Blooming Early Years

Parenting an anxious child can feel overwhelming. But learning simple techniques to calm an anxious child makes a big difference. Anxiety in kids is common, and knowing how to help is essential for their well-being.

Start by recognizing the signs of anxiety. Then, use proven techniques to calm an anxious child. Deep breathing, comforting words, and gentle touch often work wonders. Small steps, taken consistently, can ease your child’s worries over time.

In this article, you will discover effective techniques to calm an anxious child. These strategies are practical and backed by experts. Whether at home or in a stressful situation, you can apply these tips easily.

Let’s see how to bring peace and comfort to your child when they need it most.

Anxiety

Every person is born with the natural ability to feel anxiety. According to the American Psychological Association, anxiety is an emotion marked by tension, worried thoughts, and physical responses like a faster heart rate and higher blood pressure.

Experiencing anxiety is a normal part of life and can happen at different stages. It plays an essential role in recognizing and responding to potential dangers and encourages task completion.

For instance, feeling anxious while driving during a snowstorm can prompt cautious driving, ensuring safe arrival. Similarly, anxiety before a critical test can push you to prepare thoroughly.

However, for some individuals, anxiety can become excessive, persistent, and overwhelming. This level of anxiety often interferes with daily functioning and may indicate an anxiety disorder.

Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety

Kids and teenagers often share similar worries with adults, but they may also experience heightened concerns about things like school performance, sports, social interactions, safety, punctuality, their future, natural disasters, or other catastrophic events.

Key indicators of severe anxiety can include irritability, fatigue, anger, difficulty focusing, seeking reassurance, avoidance behaviors, reduced self-confidence, poor academic performance, and changes in sleep patterns, such as oversleeping or insomnia.

Physical signs are also common in anxious children and teens, with symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, rapid heartbeat, restlessness or jitteriness, trembling or twitching, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, and tightness or pain in the chest.

For many children, anxiety can form through paired associations. This happens when anxiety symptoms become linked to something that typically wouldn’t cause anxiety, such as a specific situation, object, or event. For example, a child might have a panic attack at school due to stress over a big presentation.

A panic attack often involves intense fear and physical symptoms like a racing heart, rapid breathing, or feeling out of control. After such an experience, the child’s brain might start to associate school with anxiety.  If this association strengthens—especially after repeated panic attacks—the child may begin to view school as a source of danger, leading to persistent anxiety or frequent panic episodes whenever they think about or attend school.

Techniques to Calm an Anxious Child

When children experience chronic anxiety, even parents who mean well can unintentionally make it worse. This often happens when parents attempt to shield their children from their fears. Here are some strategies to help children break free from the anxiety cycle.

1. The goal is not to remove anxiety but to teach the child how to manage it.
   While no one wants to see a child in distress, the most effective way to help them overcome anxiety isn’t by removing the sources of stress. Instead, it’s about helping them learn how to cope with their anxiety and function as well as possible, even when anxious. In turn, this will gradually reduce their anxiety.
2. Avoiding fearful situations won’t help in the long run.
   While it might seem like a good idea to help children avoid the things that scare them, doing so only provides short-term relief and reinforces anxiety over time. For instance, if a child gets upset in a stressful situation and starts crying, and their parents immediately remove them from it, the child learns that avoiding fear is the solution, which only perpetuates the cycle.
3. Set realistic but positive expectations.
   You can’t promise a child that their fears are unfounded—that they won’t fail a test, or that they’ll enjoy ice skating. However, you can express confidence that they will manage and get through the situation. Reassuring them that their anxiety will decrease over time as they face their fears helps build their confidence in their ability to handle challenges.
4. Validate their feelings without reinforcing them.
   It’s crucial to acknowledge a child’s feelings without intensifying them. For example, if a child is afraid of a doctor’s visit due to an upcoming shot, you shouldn’t dismiss their fear, but also avoid magnifying it. Instead, listen to their concerns with empathy and reassure them that they can confront their fear. The message should be, “I understand you’re scared, and that’s okay. I’m here to help you through this.”
5. Avoid asking leading questions.
   Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, but avoid leading questions like, “Are you anxious about the test?” Instead, ask open-ended questions such as, “How do you feel about the science fair?” This prevents feeding into their anxiety.
6. Don’t support their fears with your own behavior.
   Be mindful not to show, through your voice or body language, that you think the situation is genuinely something to fear. For example, if a child has had a negative experience with a dog, you may feel nervous about how they’ll react the next time they see a dog. However, reacting anxiously can send the message that they should be afraid.
7. Encourage them to tolerate anxiety.
   Let your child know that managing anxiety is part of being able to do what they want or need to do. Encourage them to face life’s challenges, allowing the anxiety to naturally decrease over time. This is known as the “habituation curve”—as they encounter stressors, their anxiety will gradually lessen.
8. Minimize the anticipation.
   The most difficult part of anxiety often comes before the event itself. To help, try to shorten the anticipatory period. For example, if your child is anxious about a doctor’s visit, avoid discussing it extensively ahead of time. Keep the lead-up brief to reduce stress.
9. Discuss possible outcomes with the child.
   Sometimes, it’s helpful to walk through the worst-case scenario with a child to help them process it. If a child is anxious about being picked up after school, discuss what they could do if the plan doesn’t go as expected. For instance, if their mom isn’t there at the end of soccer practice, the child can tell the coach, who will then call the parent. Preparing a plan can help lessen uncertainty healthily.
10. Model healthy coping strategies.
    Children observe how we manage anxiety, so it’s important to show them positive ways to cope. While you don’t need to hide your stress, try to demonstrate calmness and resilience. Let them see you handle anxiety in a healthy way, which will teach them to do the same.

The Do’s and Don’ts on the Techniques to Calm an Anxious Child

There are many effective tools to help children work through anxiety. These strategies are commonly used by licensed mental health professionals in therapy and have been proven by research to help manage and treat anxiety.

If you feel confident using these strategies with your child, that’s fantastic! However, if you’re unsure or need extra support, reach out to your child’s primary care physician. They can connect you with a mental health expert who might offer additional tools not mentioned here.

The Do’s:

1. Validate and empathize.
   Children’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences are significant to them. Even if you perceive their worries differently, it’s crucial for your child to feel understood and heard. Show empathy by imagining what it feels like to be in their position, and reassure them that their emotions are important and valid.
2. Break down tasks.
   Help your child manage overwhelming tasks by dividing them into smaller, more achievable steps. For younger kids, incorporate random rewards during the process as positive reinforcement. For older children, use encouraging praise and suggest they reward themselves after completing steps.
3. Identify triggers.
   Work with your child to recognize what situations or events trigger their anxiety. Identifying these triggers is an essential first step in helping them manage their feelings and apply effective strategies.
4. Role-play scenarios.
   When specific situations make your child anxious, role-playing can prepare them for real-life encounters. Practice scenarios like ordering food, asking a teacher for help, or inviting a friend over to build their confidence.
5. Challenge unhelpful thoughts.
   Encourage your child to share their anxious thoughts, such as “I’ll fail this test and then the class.” Help them examine these ideas by asking questions like, “Have you failed a test before?” or “What steps have you taken to prepare?” This process fosters self-reflection, making their conclusions more meaningful. Guide them toward realistic, positive thoughts, such as, “I’ve prepared well for this test and will do my best.”
6. Practice deep breathing.
   Teach deep belly breathing to help calm your child and improve focus. Have them place one hand on their chest and another on their belly, aiming to move the belly hand while breathing. Instruct them to inhale through the nose, hold briefly, and exhale slowly through the mouth. You can make this fun by pretending to smell flowers and blow out candles.
7. Build confidence through contributions.
   Encourage your child to take on tasks at home that contribute to the family. This builds confidence and a sense of responsibility. Praise their efforts and focus on their process rather than outcomes.

The Don’ts:

8. Minimize their anxiety.
   Avoid phrases like “Just do it” or “Suck it up.” These dismissive comments can invalidate their feelings. Instead, meet their concerns with empathy and compassion to help them face their fears.
9. Label feelings as bad.
   Do not categorize your child’s emotions as good or bad. Saying things like, “It’s bad to feel anxious,” might make your child believe that they are inherently flawed.

Remember, managing anxiety isn’t a journey you or your child must take alone. If you need help, your child’s primary care physician is there to guide you. Their goal is to support every child’s growth and well-being.

What You Need to Know

When children feel anxious, it’s natural to want to help them feel better. However, trying to shield them from situations that cause distress can sometimes make anxiety worse. The most effective way to help children manage anxiety is to teach them how to face it as it arises. With practice, they will gradually feel less anxious.

If a child becomes upset in an uncomfortable situation and their parents remove them from it, they may learn that being upset is an effective way to cope. Instead, parents should reassure their children that they will be okay, even if they’re scared. While you can’t guarantee that nothing harmful will happen, you can instill confidence that they can face their fears and, over time, feel less afraid.

You can show empathy toward your child without agreeing with their fears. For instance, you might say, “I understand you’re scared about getting this shot. It’s okay to feel scared. You can handle this, and I’ll be here to help.” It’s often best to avoid asking leading questions (“Are you nervous about the test tomorrow?”).

Instead, try open-ended questions like, “How do you feel about the test tomorrow?” Your tone of voice and body language can also help convey calmness, which can encourage your child to stay calm as well.

Parents can also help by keeping their children distracted before potentially upsetting events, such as a doctor’s visit. Sometimes, discussing with your child what would happen if their fears come true can be reassuring. What would they do? Who would they turn to for help? Having a plan can reduce anxiety.

Finally, parents can show healthy ways of managing anxiety. Since parents experience anxiety too, it’s important to demonstrate that it’s a normal emotion and doesn’t need to be overwhelming. Helping an anxious child stay calm is possible. With the right techniques, you can ease their worries and bring peace. Start with small steps. Be patient, understanding, and supportive.

Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and comforting routines work well. Celebrate progress and remind your child that they are not alone in their journey to overcome anxiety. Your support matters greatly in their journey.

We hope these techniques to calm an anxious child inspire you to take action. Share this guide with other parents. Together, let’s help children feel safe, confident, and loved in any situation!

FAQs on the Techniques to Calm an Anxious Child

1. What are the signs that a child is anxious?
Common signs include restlessness, trouble sleeping, fear of new situations, clinginess, or physical symptoms like stomach aches. Recognizing these signs can help you know when to use calming techniques.

2. How can deep breathing help an anxious child?
Deep breathing helps slow the heart rate and calms the nervous system. Teaching your child to take slow, deep breaths can help reduce feelings of anxiety quickly.

3. What are some calming techniques to use during a meltdown?
During a meltdown, try using a gentle touch, speaking in a calm voice, or guiding your child to a quiet space. Consistency is key to helping them regain control.

4. How can I create a calming routine for my child?
A calming routine may include activities like reading a favorite book, listening to soothing music, or having a warm bath. Consistent routines help children feel more secure and calm.

5. Are there any natural remedies to calm anxiety in children?
Some natural remedies include herbal teas like chamomile, creating a calm environment, or using essential oils such as lavender. Always check with a healthcare professional before trying new remedies.

6. How do I know if my child’s anxiety needs professional help?
If anxiety is affecting their daily life, such as school, friendships, or overall well-being, it’s best to consult a healthcare provider. Early intervention can make a big difference.

7. Can calming techniques be used in schools or public places?
Yes, calming techniques like deep breathing, counting, or focusing on a comforting object can be used anywhere. Practice these techniques at home so your child can use them when needed.

8. How can I support my child when they feel anxious about social situations?
Prepare your child by discussing what to expect. Role-play scenarios and reassure them. Praising their efforts and progress helps them feel more confident.

9. What are the most effective ways to manage anxiety in children?
One of the most effective ways to help children manage anxiety is by encouraging them to face their fears instead of avoiding the triggers. Parents can have open conversations with their kids about their worries and guide them in developing strategies for coping with anxiety, such as practicing deep breathing.

10. How can parents support children under 10 with anxiety?
For children experiencing anxiety, parents need to reassure them that they will be okay, even when they feel scared. While it’s impossible to guarantee that nothing bad will happen, parents can foster confidence in their children’s ability to face their fears and reduce anxiety over time.